Shattered Silence
by embrace-the-deception
Summary: Two friends torn apart by a plot to take down the Capitol. Bitterness fuels a plan to humiliate the tyrants and ruin them. But when Jeff, twisted by hatred, reunites with a broken Nick, his whole world begins to fall apart. Niff.
1. Traitors

**So this is my Niff HG fic that I've been wanting to write for a little while. It took betaing a HGNiff for a friend (called Don't Let me Be The One To Hurt You - check it out!) for me to actually get up off my ass and write it :) So here it is, and I hope you all enjoy! It's a lot of angst with a touch of romance and tragedy. **

**(If anything HG-related in this fic turns out to be wrong, just let me know. It should all be at least mostly correct)**

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><p><span>Chapter One<span>  
>Traitors<p>

It was really a beautiful day.

The sun was high in the pale blue expanse above them, a few clouds scattered across it. The two boys knew they should have been working but with the sun so hot, they'd decided it would be okay to take a quick break. Besides, they knew Cameron would cover for them if need be and it wasn't like the cows were actually doing anything. They were just milling around, occasionally tearing up some of the dry grass to chew on. So the two boys just lay side by side on the grass, in a small patch they'd managed to commandeer from the cattle, and looked up at the sky and talked.

"You think we could actually do it?" Jeff asked, keeping his voice low. This was dangerous talk, and to be so blatantly discussing it out in the open was especially risky. But no one was around and if they kept it quiet, the sounds of the animals around them would hide their conversation fairly well.

With his arms stretched out over his head, Nick twisted to a more comfortable position and replied, "Yeah. One day. I mean, it'll be difficult to find others who'll fight with us, but there has to be others. We can't be the only ones in the whole district that want all this to stop."

"And if we can start something…" Jeff trailed off with a sigh, looking over to see his friend beside him. The brunette had his hands under his head, staring up at the sky with a small smile just visible on his face. He glanced over and grinned at Jeff, pushing himself up onto his hands. "Anything could happen."

"Jeff and Nick, the heroes of Panem," the blonde chuckled. Nick poked him in the side. "I think you mean Nick and Jeff."

"Oh please, you wouldn't have any idea what you were doing if I wasn't around." Jeff pulled himself up and laughed at his friend's raised eyebrow and semi-annoyed look.

"I take offence to that." Nick rolled his eyes and smiled, only joking. Any insults they ever threw at each other were only jokes. As far as Jeff could remember, they'd never had a fight that was over anything more important than one refusing to take food from the other when times were hard. They'd been friends for years and Jeff was sure that would never change. Especially not when they were planning to rebel against the Capitol one day and save Panem from the tyranny of the ruling class.

It had started innocently. They were ten years old, new friends who already trusted each other with everything, sat by each other in class and didn't have other friends because they took time away that could be spent with each other. They'd been in class when the news had come – there'd been an accident in the field, Jeff had to come, his mother was waiting for him. Nick had come with him and held his hand as his friend received the news from his sobbing mother that Dane Sterling had been killed by a terrified bull, gored through the stomach and dead before anyone could reach him.

_Sitting on Jeff's front step, Nick glanced over at his friend and wondered what he was supposed to say. He didn't know how to help the blonde boy next to him, who was just staring at the ground in front of him and trying not to cry. He was too big to cry now._

_"I hate them."_

_Nick blinked. "What?"_

_"I hate them," Jeff repeated, looking up at his friend with anger flaring in his eyes "Dad shouldn't have been working, his leg wasn't better yet. But he had to because otherwise we wouldn't have any food. And now he's dead. It's the Capitol's fault."_

_"Jeff, don't say stuff like that, you'll get in trouble." Nick tried to quieten the grieving boy, pressing a hand over his mouth, but Jeff pulled it away and said, "I don't care. I hate them. They took my dad away from me. It's their fault."_

_"It was an accident."_

_"But if we had food, if he didn't have to work, if he wasn't so worried about Joss taking out tesserae, then he'd still be here."_

As time had passed, the two had gotten older, Jeff's mother fell ill, he had had to take out tesserae along with his elder brother just to keep the family going. The bitterness and the anger at the Capitol and the President and the conditions in District 10 grew and festered and now here they were at sixteen, working in the fields and talking about how they were going to fix everything one day.

As Jeff laughed, he felt something nudging his back and he twisted his head to see one of the cows head-butting him. With a smirk he got to his feet, running a hand over the animal's back absently.

"I think that's our cue to get back to work," he said, helping Nick up and dodging a cow that decided now was a good time to wander into their patch and start eating.

"Yeah, come on. Cameron can't cover for us forever."

The pair walked through the field, grass crunching underfoot – it was a hot season, everything was starting to die – and jumped a fence, heading towards where their friend and other workers were separating cattle in the sorting yards– some destined for slaughter, the meat shipped off to the Capitol (where else?) while others were allowed to live. Jeff couldn't help but think, as he did every day, that this was almost like a reaping. Although the animals weren't being chosen at random - just the ones who would provide the best meat for those citizens in the Capitol – they were still having their fates decided for them. There was no chance of escaping that fate either. Some would die. Others would live. The animals didn't know who was going to come out alive by the end of the day, and they didn't know, when they were separated, what waited for them on the far side of the cattle fields – the concrete rooms with blood on the walls, all manner of knives and other weapons with people just waiting to kill them.

Since thirteen Jeff had been working with cattle – his entire family did – and every single day he would muse about the similarities between the cattle and the districts. It almost made him sick to think that in a sense, he was like those people in the Capitol. Watching the animals heading off to die with no escape and no say in what was happening to them. And he was just glad that he worked outside and not in those concrete rooms, killing and cutting. With his thoughts about those similarities, he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle the implications.

"It would really help if you two didn't keep running off all the time," Cameron huffed before directing Nick to help a group of men trying to calm one of the doomed beasts that was panicking and raging in one of the pens.

"It's hardly all the time, Cam," Jeff replied as he followed his friend, shooting a glance over his shoulder at Nick and feeling that familiar sense of dread settle in the pit of his stomach. With his father dying the way he had, he couldn't help but think of the possibility that it could happen to his best friend as well.

And there was no way he could cope if he lost another person so close to him.

* * *

><p>When Nick didn't turn up for work the next day, Jeff knew something was wrong. For one, you practically had to be dying to get out of work. And no matter what, Nick <em>always<em> found some way to tell his friend if he wasn't going to be showing up. When he'd been bedridden for days with a fever, he'd asked Joss to come and tell Jeff what was going on. So as Jeff looked around the sorting yards and found no Nick in sight and without an explanation, he'd known something had to be wrong.

He considered sneaking off at some point, asking Cameron to cover him while he ran to his friend's house to check on him. But just as he was making his way towards the taller boy, a loud commotion suddenly rose up from the direction of the town. Even over the deafening sounds of frightened, lowing cattle, everyone in the yard heard the sounds of shouts and yells. Spending only enough time to make sure the animals were secure and wouldn't be able to run, the workers left their posts and ran towards the buildings, each hoping that whatever the cause was, it had nothing to do with them or their families.

The noise was coming from the town square and, younger and a faster runner than most of the others working in the sorting yards, Jeff reached it first. He skidded to a stop as he came across a small crowd – and that was when he heard a familiar voice, shouting and hurling abuse. He shoved his way through the crowd, some trying to hold him back but unsuccessful. When he finally burst through, horror rooted him to the spot.

Nick was being dragged unceremoniously towards the Justice Building, handcuffed but fighting all the way. Digging his heels in, pulling hard on the cuffs, swearing and attempting to throw himself against the Peacekeepers holding him to force them to release him – but it wasn't working. The two Peacekeepers hauled him to the steps in front of the Justice Building and threw him to the ground, one keeping him there with a foot on his back. Jeff moved to run for him, feet suddenly unstuck from the ground, but someone grabbed his arm and when he turned back he saw Joss there, shaking his head with a sad look.

"You can't do anything."

"He's my friend!" Jeff tried to yank his arm out of his brother's grip, but the twenty-year-old was too strong for him and so he was left to stand there and watch as the Head Peacekeeper, a cruel and violent man named Kaspian Morau, walked quietly to stand in front of the arrested boy and stare down at him.

"What did you find at his house?" the man asked, glancing up for a brief moment to one of the Peacekeepers who'd brought Nick in.

"Knives, cleavers and other blades, clearly stolen from the slaughterhouses, as well as a bow and a number of arrows."

Jeff's heart dropped suddenly and he felt sick. For some reason the Peacekeepers had been at Nick's house and they'd found the weapons the pair had been storing. Nick had collected a fair amount of blades and more than half of them had been kept under the floorboards of his house. The rest were at Jeff's and he thought of those now as Nick struggled on the ground, spitting out curses and insults. They'd found the weapons and now Nick was in more trouble than either of them could really comprehend.

"Stocking up on weapons, eh?" Kaspian raised an eyebrow. When Nick didn't reply, the man gestured for the Peacekeeper to remove his foot and once that was done, he slammed his own booted foot hard into Nick's ribs. Jeff winced in almost shared pain as Nick coughed, rolling onto his side but with hands cuffed behind his back, unable to stand.

"Who were you keeping them for?" the Head Peacekeeper asked, kicking the brunette again. He repeated the question, and every time Nick didn't respond Kaspian landed heavy blows to his chest, stomach and head until there was blood on the dusty ground and Joss was fighting to hold his brother back from going out there to kill the man.

"Who else is with you, boy?" Kaspian gestured for the two Peacekeepers to lift him and they did, supporting his limp, beaten body between them. "Who's fighting with you? With that many weapons, you can't be the only one. Who else is there? Answer me and I'll kill you quickly. Refuse and I'll take as long as I can to make sure you suffer for your pitiful attempts at rebellion."  
><em><br>Me!_ Jeff wanted to scream _I'm with him, stop hurting him, it was all my idea. He's my friend. Just stop._ But Joss had clapped a hand over his mouth and wasn't letting him speak. The blonde could only stare in sick horror as Nick tilted his head, indicating for Kaspian to come closer. He wasn't really afraid that Nick would tell – he knew his friend wouldn't. So what was he planning?

Kaspian leaned a little closer and Nick smirked. He spat a slimy mix of saliva and blood at the Head Peacekeeper's face, grinning as the man jumped back in surprise. His expression changed to one of anger as he wiped the mess off his face and pulled back his fist, smashing it hard into Nick's face. Jeff had to close his eyes; he physically couldn't watch as his best friend was beaten to a bloody pulp in front of him. To his credit, Nick barely made a sound. No one moved to help him, save him – Jeff would have, but Joss still had the tight grip on his arm and over his mouth. He couldn't shout out to them to stop, to arrest him instead, it was his idea in the first place. He couldn't run to Nick and protect him. He couldn't do anything. Useless.

When the sound of a fist hitting flesh stopped and there was a dull thump, Jeff forced himself to open his eyes. Nick looked twice as bad as before, on his side on the ground, spitting out blood, curled in on himself in pain. The blonde felt pain of his own, anger spiking through his body to drown it out and he fought even harder to escape his brother's grasp.

"This is what happens to those who try to fight us!" Kaspian shouted, casting his piercing grey gaze out over the crowd that had slowly been gathering and expanding in size. "This is what happens to traitors!"

He turned to the two Peacekeepers, standing there unmoving and staring straight ahead. "Take him inside. We'll have to find out who else he's working with. And perhaps the Capitol would like to hear of this _traitor_ we've found."

Jeff didn't know it was possible to feel worse and more desperate than he'd already been feeling up to this point. But the mere mention of the Capitol made his blood run cold. If they took Nick there, he'd be tortured. They'd kill him slowly. Better a bullet to the head from Kaspian than a long, slow death at the hands of the Capitol. Nick seemed to hear this and he lifted his head. The fear was so clear on his face, even beneath the blood and the bruises already starting to form. He knew. Jeff wanted more than anything to run to him and save him from that fate. But with Joss's fingers digging painfully into his arm, and his hand still over his mouth, there was absolutely nothing he could do. He was helpless to protect his best friend as the brunette was dragged to his feet and towards the Justice Building, leaving a trail of smeared blood on the white marble steps.

He locked eyes with Nick just before he disappeared inside. There was terror there, a bone-chilling fear that told Jeff that his friend knew exactly what they were going to do to him. He blinked once, in place of a final nod that he couldn't do for the pain, before the doors slammed shut and the crowd was left in a silence broken only by a cold breeze whistling through the square.

Only now did Joss take his hand away from his brother's mouth. The blonde spun to face him, the elder releasing his arm as Jeff stepped up close and opened his mouth to shout. But then he paused, his head finally catching up with everything that was going on. And he realised he wasn't mad. He wasn't angry. He was just _scared_.

"He's going to die," he whispered.

Joss hesitated for only a second before nodding carefully. The younger stared a moment longer and when that actually sunk in, his knees decided now was a good time to give out on him. He collapsed into his brother, holding him to keep from slipping into the dirt. Joss wrapped his arms around him, both ignoring the pitying or suspicious glares shot in their direction as people left, headed back to their jobs, to spread the gossip. Jeff had been a friend of Nick's – did that mean he was in on the plot too? The boys knew they would all be wondering. But at the moment, Jeff didn't care because he was on the verge of breaking down. He couldn't lose Nick. He'd lost his father, his mother lay terminally ill at home – he couldn't cope with losing anyone else.

"I'm sorry," Joss mumbled quietly, apologising for a whole range of things that Jeff understood.

"Joss, I need to tell you something."

The elder frowned. "What?"

"They might come for me too. Nick was working with me." Jeff said it in such a low whisper that his brother almost didn't hear him. He probably wished he hadn't. He jerked back and stared down at his little brother, younger by four years, and stuttered, "W-Why would you… _do_ something so risky? So _stupid_?"

"It was my idea to begin with," Jeff said "After Dad died. I was so _angry_, Joss, and planning how I was going to take down the Capitol made me feel so much better. And then it just became serious, and Nick got involved – he couldn't _not_ get involved, he's my best friend – _it's my fault_, if I hadn't even thought about any of this he wouldn't be in this mess."

"Jeff, none of this is your fault. Nick could have informed on you, or just turned a blind eye to what you were doing. And getting caught was just an accident. It's not your fault." A pause. "And I don't think he'll tell them about you."

Jeff looked up and towards the Justice Building, seeing the blood trail shining against the marble, and said softly, "We don't know what they'll do to him."

"He's been your shadow for years, and both of you are so loyal to each other. I don't think there's much that would make him give up your secret."

Joss pulled his brother to his feet properly and put an arm around his shoulder to steady him. "Go home. I'll get Cameron to cover for you. And Jeff?" he added as his brother slipped away from him and blankly started to walk away. The blonde turned back and fixed his gaze on Joss, unblinking.

"Yeah?" he asked in a breaking, strained voice.

"Whatever you've got hidden away – get rid of it. Now."

The moment Joss turned away, Jeff bolted. His feet pounded the hard surface of the streets as he made his way towards his house, where his mother would be asleep in bed, where his blades and bow and arrows were stashed away under the floor. It took him a little while to make it there – his house was on the outskirts of the town – but when he made it he skidded through the front door, panting hard and heart racing for more reasons than one. A quiet call came as almost a reply to his clattering and heavy breathing.

"Who's that?"

"It's just me, Ma, don't worry," he called back, running for his room.

"You should be working…"

"It's okay Ma, I promise. Everything's okay." Jeff didn't believe the words himself as he dropped to his knees on the floor and pulled up a loose board. Beneath it, in a small cache he'd dug out years ago, lay his fairly decent collection of knives and other assorted blades. His bow rested on top, unstrung, the arrows nestled beside it. Hurriedly he pulled everything out, stuffing the weapons into a sack. He paused for a brief moment to stare at the canvas bag, remembering just what he'd been planning on doing with the blades and arrows inside it. Incite a rebellion. What was he thinking? He was just some stupid boy who was bitter about the death of his father. And now his best friend was going to die because he'd been too blinded by his anger to think clearly.

And the worst part was that he'd thought he could actually do it.

What a stupid idea that was.

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><p><strong>Please tell me what you think!<strong>


	2. All Or Nothing

Chapter Two  
>All Or Nothing<p>

**One Year Later**

Jeff had changed that day. When Nick had been arrested, beaten in front of him and dragged away to be taken to the Capitol and killed – he'd changed. He'd lost his best friend because of his own arrogance and stupidity. And as much as he would like to think it had been an accident that the weapons had been found, he knew it wasn't.

His own mother had turned him in.

According to the gossip that had spread around the district for weeks after the event, Carissa Duval had stumbled across the concealed weapons and immediately gone for Peacekeepers. Nick hadn't had the chance to defend himself before being arrested and taken away – for an idea that wasn't his, and because his mother was more loyal to the Capitol than to her own son.

Jeff had never forgiven her – and he wasn't the only one; few had anything to do with the woman who had given her son up for execution – but he had never forgiven himself either. Primarily it was his fault and he couldn't stand to live with himself. But when he'd stood on the fork in the road, between crippling depression at losing his closest friend or fiery vengeance on the Capitol for taking him away, he'd chosen the latter path without much hesitation. He needed the anger to keep him going and despite all of Joss's attempts to get him to stop, he continued to plot and plan how he was going to take down the people who had taken Nick and his father away from him.

But he was going to much more subtle about it than a rebellion. He knew that the Capitol adored the Hunger Games practically more than anything else. It was their most exciting source of entertainment and their strongest tool against any sort of revolution from the districts. So Jeff had decided that the best way to ruin the Capitol would be to ruin the Games.

But to do that, one had to be in the Games first.

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><p>"You seem calm."<p>

Jeff glanced over at his brother as he finished buttoning up his best shirt. Today was the day of the reaping, and he had to look his best for the cameras. The elder boy leaned on the doorframe and watched Jeff as he brushed his bangs out of his eyes carefully, and when he spoke again it surprised the blonde somewhat – he'd thought he'd gone.

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?" Jeff asked innocently. And it could easily have been an innocent question – _what are you going to do if they choose you?_But Joss shook his head and sighed. "I'm not stupid, Jeff. You haven't been the same after Nick was arrested and you haven't stopped plotting. What are you going to do today?"

Jeff said nothing to that – what was he supposed to say? Lie to his brother? He didn't deserve that. But he wasn't about to tell him that he was going to volunteer in place of the male tribute that was to be chosen that day. However, it seemed that Joss was living up to his claim that he wasn't stupid and a moment later said quietly, "You're volunteering. Aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You'll die."

Jeff turned to him in anger and snapped, "Thanks for your overwhelming confidence in me."

Joss looked away in disgust – and Jeff swallowed at that sight. His brother was disgusted with him. His own brother, one of the few people he had left. But then he bit his lip and pulled himself together. He had to do this. He had to make the Capitol pay for what they'd done to Nick, and his father, and everyone else they'd ever hurt or killed. And that was a number that no one could ever count.

"At least give Ma a decent explanation when you do it. Maybe you won't completely break her heart," Joss sighed in irritation before stalking away. Jeff leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. His mother. She was far too sick to come along to the reaping which was well known by the Peacekeepers – but it meant he was going to have to say goodbye before he left. He couldn't leave without a farewell.

Quietly, he made his way towards his mother's room and peered inside. The woman was in bed – she wasn't strong enough to get up – and when she heard her son enter she lifted her head tiredly. Jeff felt a stab of guilt seeing his mother's exhausted expression mixed with the pain of knowing she could be losing her youngest today. But no, he had to do this.

"Ma."

"Come here," she whispered and Jeff did as he was told, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking into her eyes. They looked just like Joss's – the elder had taken more after their mother and Jeff after their father – and it was just another stab in the gut.

"I have a terrible feeling about today," Cassida said hoarsely, coughing as she finished. And there was another painful stab. Did she know? She couldn't know. Maybe it was her instincts as a mother, at having watched her two children at the reapings for years until her illness had meant she couldn't leave the house. One had gotten through the years safely. But, Jeff thought, her second child wasn't going to. Not this time.

"Ma, if I don't come back…" Jeff mumbled, barely able to look her in the eye "I-I love you, okay?"

"I know," was the almost-silent reply "I know."

Jeff wasn't sure what it was she was saying she knew. That he loved her? That he wasn't coming back tonight? He would never know. Cassida smiled and moved her son's bangs from his face again – they were always in the way – before reaching up to kiss his forehead.

"You're so much like your father. Headstrong. Passionate. Unable to keep your emotions contained." The brunette woman sighed, almost to herself. "You feel everything so strongly. Anger, hate, love – there's no middle ground with you. Just like your father. It's all or nothing."

The boy didn't know why she was saying this. It didn't make any sense. It sounded like babble from a woman in constant pain and still suffering the grief of losing her husband. But perhaps, despite the fact she had been confined to her bed for the past three years, slowly losing strength and the will to live, she had known all along what her youngest son was up to. Perhaps she'd known all along the pain that losing his father had caused. The anger. And the way Jeff had expressed it.

Perhaps she knew what he was about to do.

But she couldn't.

"You'll be late."

Jeff nodded and got to his feet, walking to the door. He looked back for a moment when he reached it, seeing the sad smile on his mother's face and suddenly wanting to tell her everything. About the plans he'd made since he was ten, bringing Nick into it, about Nick's arrest being his fault and his current plan to volunteer for the Games.

"Goodbye," Cassida said softly.

It was a very final, very settled tone in which the woman farewelled her son. She had resigned herself to the fact that he wouldn't be coming back, though she couldn't know for sure…

Jeff said nothing of what he was going to do. Instead, he smiled back and replied, "Goodbye Ma. Joss will look after you. Joss will always be here."

The brunette nodded before falling back on the bed gently and dropping off into her sickness-induced sleep. Jeff watched her for a few seconds before turning away and heading for the street.

There were still a few stragglers making their way to the town square, so he wasn't too late. He caught sight of a friend of his, David, and fell into step beside him. He knew Joss would have gone ahead of him and David's only family was his eight year old sister – his parents had died years ago.

"Worried?" Jeff asked, trying to make conversation.

David sighed, glancing down at the little girl holding onto his hand as they walked. "If it's me… there's no one who'll look after her."

"You know I would," Jeff replied, though he knew his friend was in no such danger "And half a dozen others would take her in. Wes, Thad, Cameron… but it won't be you anyway."

"You sound so confident."

Jeff chewed on his lip, not sure how to answer that. So instead he picked up the pace to a jog, calling out, "Come on, or we'll be late."

The three made it to the town square in a few minutes, where David handed his sister off to a neighbour who was kind enough to watch her since she was too young to be reaped. The two boys quickly made their way through the crowd towards the roped-off areas of gathered children. They didn't bother looking up at the stage to see the person from the Capitol that would be up there, or the mentors that would do their best to keep the tributes alive in the Games. It had been the same every year for as long as Jeff had been alive – and for the past seventy years, he was sure. It wasn't about to change now.

He and David stood side by side, and it suddenly struck Jeff that it was the exact spot that Nick had always stood in during the reapings. Since they were old enough they would stand together, holding each other's hands to comfort each other. They'd watched kids they knew being chosen. And eventually they'd watched them die – there hadn't been a victor from 10 in at least fifteen years. But Nick was always there, and now he _wasn't_. This was the first reaping that he hadn't been at, and it was only just occurring to his closest friend.

Jeff, fixated on that thought and trying to ignore the twisting feeling in his gut, completely ignored the speeches from the various people on the stage. He only looked up and focused when David nudged him, whispering that they were drawing the female tribute's name. He watched the Capitol woman – sky blue skin, aqua wig done in frighteningly long and sharp-looking spikes, bright blue lips and purple tattoos across her face (laughing at the Capitol people never got old, honestly, and Jeff had to bite his chuckle back) – reach her hand into the glass ball of girls' names and pull one out. With a flourish, the woman unfurled the paper and smiled as she read, "Serenade Hight."

A low murmur spread throughout the girl's section and a chunky redhead stepped out to walk towards the stage. Jeff watched her go, vaguely familiar with her. She held her head high with confidence as she passed friends and strangers alike. While she was by no means ugly, her stocky, average-sized frame wouldn't be helping her win any sponsors. The Capitol was all about beauty and it was the slim, tall, pretty, sexy girls that got the attention. Girls like Serenade were left in the background.

She reached the stage and stepped up, standing beside the two mentors who would be taking her to the Capitol – Harrow Matlock and Kenna Pry. Kenna had been one of the pretty girls, winning mostly due to her gifts from sponsors rather than any actual talent or killings. In the entirety of the Games she only killed one person - the last boy alive in order to be proclaimed victor. But Harrow on the other hand, had been unnoticed throughout the entire Games process until the arena, where he managed to slaughter four tributes in the run for the Cornucopia and then proceeded to mercilessly hunt down much of his competition. By the end, he'd killed more tributes than any of the others had – they hadn't had the chance.

Whichever way it went for Serenade, Jeff thought, she had a fair chance. With muscles and strength from her work in the slaughterhouse slicing up pigs, she would be good with knives and a potentially dangerous enemy in the arena. But he didn't have much time to think about that – David had latched onto his wrist and he started in surprise. The woman was reaching into the male tribute ball.

_Don't worry David. You won't be going anywhere. _

He would have a fair excuse for volunteering if one of his friends was drawn. He could say he was defending them, not wanting them to die because he cared for them. The Capitol people would love that. He was so busy thinking about shouting out the second the name was read that he almost missed the reading itself.

"Jeff Sterling!"

He opened his mouth before stopping. That was his name. She'd pulled his name out. He didn't have to volunteer – he was already a tribute. He'd been so focused on volunteering that he hadn't even thought about the possibility of his name being drawn. But then again, with the tesserae he'd taken out over the years, his name was in there quite a few times. It shouldn't be so much of a surprise.

David stared at him before reluctantly pushing him forward. "Go on."

Jeff blinked rapidly before settling into an air of confidence, striding out of the group of boys and making his way to the stage. He knew everyone was staring at him – what would Joss be thinking? He didn't have the time to think much of his brother before he was up on the stage beside Serenade, looking out over the other children – safe for this year.

"And here are your tributes for District 10!" the Capitol woman grinned "May the odds be ever in your favour!"

The crowd began to disperse quickly. Jeff watched David run to his sister and hug her tightly. He watched Cameron throw him an apologetic look as he was dragged away by his father. But then he was pulled away by a Peacekeeper appearing by his side to take him into the Justice Building to say his goodbyes – and he recognised this one. His name is Jace Corn and he was one of the pair that arrested Nick. Jeff glared at him but didn't resist as he and Serenade were led away, into the building and into separate rooms.

It didn't take long for Joss to show up. The door opened and he entered, Jeff looking up from where he was standing in the middle of the plush, expensive-looking room. The brothers stared at each other for a moment before Joss stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the younger boy. Surprised, Jeff just hugged back out of reflex.

"At least you're saved from explaining to everyone why you volunteered for someone you wouldn't have known from a cow in the field," Joss managed to joke despite the situation. Jeff chuckled and let his brother go, looking up at him. There were tears in his eyes and once again, that stabbing in his gut reappeared and Jeff felt terrible.

But he had to do this now. He didn't have a choice anymore. All of this was out of his hands.

"I assume you've got some sort of plan?" the elder asked quietly.

Jeff nodded, swallowing hard past the lump in his throat. "Yeah," he said hoarsely.

Silence. And then, "You're not coming back, are you."

It wasn't really a question at all. Joss didn't want to know the truth but was asking for it anyway and Jeff decided he deserved it. He deserved to know and not have to sit and watch the Games not sure if his little brother would be coming back.

"No."

Joss nodded, biting his lip. "O-Okay. You… you won't tell me what you're going to do?"

The blonde contemplated that for a little while. Would it help Joss or hurt him? But didn't he deserve to know? The conflict kept him silent for a few minutes until finally he just made a decision and hoped it was the right one. He pulled Joss down by the shoulders and, lips by his brother's ear, muttered quietly so any other potential listeners wouldn't hear.

"I… I'm going to fight until I'm the last one left. But there won't be a winner this year, because I'm going to kill myself before they get me out of the arena."

* * *

><p><strong>Please review and tell me what you think :)<strong>


	3. Friends

Chapter Three  
><span>Friends<span>

To his credit, Jeff thought as he was marched out of the Justice Building, Serenade beside him, Joss had barely reacted when he'd told him what he was planning. He guessed the elder had become so used to his stupid plots that this was just another one to add to the collection. Jeff also had the feeling that he believed his little brother wouldn't go through with it. But that was exactly what he was going to do. The Capitol would have a fit when their winner of the 71st Hunger Games ended up killing themselves before even getting out of the arena. Considering how important the Games were to the control of the Districts and the Capitol's main source of entertainment – the main event of the year everyone there looked forward to – it would be a major blow. And that was just what Jeff wanted. To make them pay.

They had to walk to the train station – the group included the Capitol woman, some Peacekeepers, the two mentors as well as himself and Serenade – and as they made their way there, Jeff could feel the eyes watching them from the shut-up houses. He knew people would be watching them leave, one of which at the very least would not be coming home. Or so they thought. This year, no one was coming home.

Jeff reached into his pocket and gripped the object that lay there, biting his lip. Every tribute was allowed to take some sort of token with them into the arena if they wanted to, and Joss had given him something that he just knew was going to make him feel worse than he already did.

"_They'll be taking you away in a minute," Joss said. He still hadn't said anything about his little brother's plan but Jeff didn't really expect him to. It probably hadn't even sunk in yet. "Here. Take this with you."_

_He took his brother's hand and pressed something into his palm, wrapping his fingers over it. At that moment the doors burst open and a Peacekeeper appeared, ready to bring him to the station. Jeff was grabbed by the arm and dragged towards the exit. He tossed a look back to the older man, standing there with a scared expression. Just as Jeff was pulled through the doorway, Joss ran after them, grabbing his brother and hugging him tightly. The younger hugged him back with his free arm, not wanting to let go when he felt so safe and secure. But then he was yanked from Joss's arms and taken away, the last thing he saw before the door slammed in his face being his brother's terrified face – as if he'd just realised what Jeff was going to do – and the last thing he heard was the call, "I love you!"_

_He shouted it back, but he would never know if Joss heard him. _

He still hadn't had the chance to look at what it was – he'd had to shove it in his pocket quickly to avoid dropping it and now they were approaching the station. The cameras had followed them all the way from the Justice Building and Jeff remembered them now as the two mentors and the Capitol woman stepped up onto the platform and into the train. Serenade followed them but Jeff paused, glancing back at his home – District 10 in all its sad, brown, dying glory. He listened to the sounds he'd always heard, had become like background noise to him – animal cries, trampling feet, shouts from the workers.

"Come, come!" the Capitol woman called impatiently and a Peacekeeper shoved Jeff onto the train and pulled the doors shut behind him. A moment later and the train was moving, trembling beneath their feet and making the blonde sway a little – he wasn't used to this. For a moment, as the District 10 mentors and the woman (he really had to find out her name) moved off to talk, he and Serenade were left alone in silence. They looked at each other, the girl managing a smile. And Jeff, hating the awkwardness, said the first thing that came to mind. "You looked confident."

Serenade shrugged. "You want the truth? I'm terrified. I just didn't want my family to know."

The blonde nodded vaguely, still turning the small object Joss had given him over in his pocket. He pulled it out to finally get a look at it and smiled. It was a small model of a cow, carved from a bull's horn. Their father had made it for them not long before he'd died – more for Jeff considering he'd been younger – and it was one of the few things they still had left of his. He'd been fairly skilled at carving and had managed to sell a few to keep the family eating. Jeff ran his thumb over the figurine, only half the size of his palm but still incredibly detailed, and bit his lip. Quickly he shoved it back in his pocket and looked up at Serenade. She was watching him curiously but said nothing – something he was grateful for. He didn't want to talk about it.

They spotted the mentors and the Capitol woman heading back towards them down the hall and Jeff leaned over to his fellow tribute. "You wouldn't happen to know her name, would you?"

Serenade laughed. "Tereze. You're lucky I was paying attention. I assume you remember who our mentors are?"

Jeff chuckled, shaking his head. He liked this girl. She was funny, sarcastic, but he sensed a strength to her that surpassed her obvious physical abilities. She didn't take stupidity from anyone and she was going to be a tough opponent in the arena. Jeff forced that thought from his mind – he didn't want to be thinking about killing Serenade; not while he was simultaneously complimenting her internally for her wittiness.

The three reached the tributes and Tereze smiled, telling the pair that they were to go to their rooms and wait there until they were sent for. Harrow grabbed Jeff by the arm and began gently tugging him down the hall, clearly wanting this to be over with and to be alone, while Kenna ushered the redheaded girl in the opposite direction. The pair locked eyes for a split second and he smiled, Serenade returning it, before his sight was blocked by Harrow's body.

He let the man guide him down the corridor until they reached what he assumed was his room. The door was opened and at Harrow's gesture, Jeff entered. It was quite a large room for what he'd expected on a train – but then again, this _was_ the Capitol. He shouldn't be surprised at anything. A comfortable looking bed along one wall, other scattered pieces of furniture that looked completely out of place to him, having come from a poor and struggling family, a door off to the side he figured he'd investigate later.

"A word of advice?" a voice from behind him said and he spun, surprised to see Harrow still there. This was the first time he'd ever heard the man speak and his voice was deep and rough, having seen too many years go by. Jeff stared blankly at him until the former victor spoke again.

"Take a shower. It helps Tereze not hate you."

Then he left, shutting the door in Jeff's face. The blonde stood there for a moment, just taking in everything that had happened. Now that he was alone, he had the chance to think.

But that was a scary thing, thinking. Especially when he had so much to think about. Joss, his mother, his father, _Nick_, the upcoming Games, his opponents, his plan, Serenade, potentially killing her, the Capitol, revenge – it all swirled in his head for a moment so fast he couldn't comprehend it all. He shook his head and pushed open the second door he'd seen. It led to a rather spacious and blindingly bright bathroom, complete with shower.

The closest he usually got to a shower was getting a bucket of water thrown over him. And that was only when Joss said that even he couldn't handle living with him. Hot water was a luxury rarely afforded. But he figured he'd better stay on Tereze's good side – she _was_ going to help him, along with Harrow and Kenna, get through their Capitol stay before the arena called. It was always better to be on the good side of someone who was going to help you out. Especially when you had no idea what you were doing besides that you were going to kill yourself.

Jeff didn't spend too long under the shower simply because he couldn't tolerate just standing there with all his thoughts. Soon enough he was out, dry and had pulled on some clothes he'd found in some of the number of drawers and shelves (and he didn't want to know what was in the rest of them). He collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and forcing his mind to only think about how incredibly soft the bed was and how he could just sink right into it and maybe never come back.

What was he _thinking_? This was the second most _stupid_ idea he'd ever come up with since the one that had gotten his best friend killed. He'd thought this one was better because no one got hurt except himself and the Capitol, but since being picked for the Games he'd realised there were so many other people he'd be hurting. Joss. His mother. Those were the ones that mattered.

But really, he didn't have a choice. He'd been reaped and so in a few days' time he was going to be thrown into a completely strange arena to battle and kill twenty three other kids. And since he was going to be there, he may as well win. And he may as well throw a 'screw you' to the Capitol while he was at it.

Sooner than he thought there was a knock at the door and he hauled himself off the bed to open it. Harrow stood on the other side, arms folded against his chest as he looked down at the blonde he would be mentoring. He seemed to be eying the teenager off, assessing him and deciding what strategy he'd have to use in the arena to stay alive. Then he stepped aside and let Jeff pass so he could lead him to wherever they were going.

It turned out they were making their way to a dining area, where Kenna, Serenade and Tereze were already sat waiting. Jeff sat beside the redhead, avoiding the two women and his own mentor. To be honest, the Capitol woman unnerved him and Kenna didn't look too impressed with the tributes, particularly Serenade. The girl leaned over and whispered in his ear, "She's disappointed with me."

"Why?" Jeff replied just as quietly as servants entered to lay the table with dishes upon dishes of food. Serenade shrugged. "The only way she knows how to win the Games is to look pretty. According to her, I don't fit that category. She'll probably pass me off to Harrow and you."

Jeff was about to protest her claim that she wasn't pretty – she wasn't stunning like Kenna had been in her Games, but she certainly wasn't ugly and he was sure she would get _some_ sponsors if she got a high score in the training. But he didn't get the chance – Harrow glared at him across the table and gestured vaguely to the food, his intention clear – eat.

Jeff did as he was told, taking plates piled high with food and digging in. The food was rich and filling but considering how hard it was to scrape a meal together sometimes, Jeff couldn't stop eating. He had the sense to use a knife and fork, but only because Harrow would glare at him if he moved to use his hands. Honestly, it was so much easier with your hands. You could get more into your mouth at once. Serenade seemed to think he was funny and was holding back a smirk, but she had been raised in the more affluent part of District 10 and so manners would have been instilled in her at a young age. He couldn't be bothered shooting her a look though – there was so much food and _how did these people eat it all_?

Tereze seemed to be semi-satisfied by his restraint though she refused to look at him for very long. Watching her eat, Jeff realised how slow and careful she was, using her cutlery daintily. It was almost funny. He didn't bother with her long though – there was a rather appetising piece of meat he couldn't name but was _so good_.

"What-" Jeff started with his mouth full, but when Harrow stared at him he swallowed. "What is this?"

Half the table burst into laughter and Jeff ducked his head. He hated people laughing at him, being the butt of their jokes. It wasn't his fault he didn't know. He rarely got meat unless it was rabbit – the cheapest meat from the butcher – or Nick had managed to slip him some – and that thought was quickly stopped before it grew anymore.

"Beef," Kenna explained in a bored tone.

Jeff frowned at the piece of meat stuck on the end of his fork, regarding it carefully. "It's a cow?"

Serenade laughed and patted his arm almost patronisingly; something else he hated. "Yes. You've never had beef before?"

"I don't think so," the blonde muttered, going back to his dinner. The girl beside him smiled and stabbed her fork into another slice of meat on one of the dishes in front of him, sliding it onto his plate. "Then you have to try pork."

The rest of the meal went quietly, until finally no one could eat anymore and the dishes were cleared away. Many were at least half full, some hadn't even been touched. Jeff knew it was an utter waste but there was nothing to be done about it. Just something else to hate the Capitol for. Tereze stood and announced they would watch the recap of the reapings to see who their opponents would be for the Games. Jeff sighed and stood, Serenade behind him as they followed the woman and their mentors to another room, this one much more comfortable and less formal. There was a couch and cushions strewn across the floor – while Serenade raced to claim the seat, Jeff took the opportunity to sprawl out on the floor and potentially annoy Tereze a little. After all, he couldn't be perfect all the time, right? She certainly didn't look impressed as she turned on a large screen and the recap began.

Jeff watched carefully, gauging the other tributes as to how hard they might be to kill. He supressed a chuckle at some of the names of the children – Ripple and Carrion from District 1 actually made him laugh and Tereze glared at him, and then there was the monstrous Crippler from 2 that shut him up. He liked the look of Merrin from 4; he was small, skinny and lanky. Not much of a challenge unless he was rather skilled at wielding some sort of weapon. Unlikely though. Dareq from 6 was built well and strong, a determined look in his eye as he walked up to the stage beside a slim, lithe girl named Alayja. He bit his lip as the girl from District 8 was chosen – Milly, just twelve years old. He didn't want to contemplate killing her. Hopefully someone else would get her before he had to. He watched as his and Serenade's reaping was shown, glad that he looked confident on the screen. It was followed by two unremarkable reapings from 11 and 12 – though the girl from 12 was just as stocky as Serenade, which meant another potentially-hard-to-beat tribute had been thrown into the mix.

Throughout the entire recap, the adults had made small comments about the other tributes – their obvious physical strength, or their potential hidden attributes, or (in Kenna's case), the stunning beauty of the girls from 5 and 7. Serenade narrowed her eyes at the mention of beauty and Jeff wondered what Kenna was going to do with her. As the redhead had said, the former victor didn't know how to fight to win. She'd never had to. Her appearance had carried her through the Games with sponsors and gifts aplenty. Serenade was clearly a fighter. Perhaps Kenna would make her train with him and Harrow like the girl had said – it made sense.

The screen was shut off and the room left in silence for a split second before Tereze stood up and said brightly that they would be arriving in the Capitol tomorrow and it would be a long day, so they had all better get some sleep. Kenna was gone before anyone could say another word, leaving Serenade to make her own way to her room. Jeff waved her off, wondering if being friendly with her was a good thing. She might want to make an alliance and even if he weren't planning what he was, he wouldn't want to form bonds with any of the other tributes. Eventually they'd die. Or you would. And you could bet that if you both managed to make it to the final two, then you'd be left with the predicament of who killed who. Who would betray the other and strike the first blow, kill their former friend. So no, he didn't want to make an alliance with Serenade – he just wanted to be her friend in the few short days they had left.

Harrow gestured for him to leave and Jeff made his way out, recalling the way back to his room and walking there on his own. He heard his mentor enter a room a little way behind him as he pushed open his own door, finding the switch to turn the lights on with on the wall.

Finally alone, Jeff considering going straight to bed, but the window on the opposite side of the room beckoned him. He leaned against the bottom and pressed his face to the glass, watching the world outside rush by in a blur of dark colours and bright white lights. They were passing through some district or another. Which one didn't matter. He stood there for a good while, just staring and letting his mind wander when it really shouldn't. It could bring up anything that he might not like at all. And when he started thinking about Nick, he knew he should stop but he couldn't make himself.

_I'll get them. I'll make them pay for what they did to you, to my father, to me, to everyone. They won't get away with it. I promise_.

Finally Jeff sighed and dragged himself away from the window and towards the bed. Soon enough he'd stripped down to his underwear and slipped under the thick, warm covers, resting his head on the pillow that was so ridiculously soft that despite the fact his mind was full, he drifted off to sleep quickly.

That night, his dreams replayed the day he lost his friend.


	4. The Capitol

**Thank you so much for all the lovely comments, and sorry for taking so long to update. I like to be a chapter in advance, so I wanted to finish Chapter 5 before posting this one and it gave me some trouble, hence why it took so long.**

Chapter 4  
><span>The Capitol<span>

When Jeff awoke the next morning, it was to the sound of someone knocking at his door. Bleary-eyed and still tired for some reason, he stumbled towards the door and opened it, staring for a moment before realising who it was.

"Serenade?" he asked blankly, blinking and still trying to properly wake up. The girl smiled before looking him up and down and starting to blush. "Uh… you… you might want to get dressed…"

Jeff looked down and realised with a jolt that he was still just in his underwear in front of Serenade. He ducked behind the door and smiled slightly at the redhead from around it, telling her he'd just be a few minutes. "I'll wait," she said "Take your time. I came because I don't want to go to breakfast on my own. I'm avoiding Kenna."

"Oh," was the only reply Jeff gave before he closed the door and stared at the room, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. He wasn't really a 'morning person' and he tended to be a little groggy for a while after he woke. Finally he decided on another quick shower, mostly to appease Tereze and Harrow, and then managed to stumble into some clothes. When he eventually opened the door again Serenade was still waiting there, a smile on her face. Jeff wondered how she could keep smiling despite knowing there was a good chance she could die in a few days' time.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, walking out and closing the door behind him. As they headed down the corridor and towards the room in which they'd eaten the previous night, a thought suddenly occurred to him. "How did you know where I was? I mean, what room I was in?"

Serenade looked over at him. "I ran into Harrow while I was looking for you. He told me. I hope Kenna just dumps me with you two – he might actually be able to teach me something."

Jeff just nodded and instead focused in the smell of food that was coming from ahead of them. When they entered the dining area they found Kenna and Harrow were already there, though there was no sign of Tereze. The pair sat down at the table laden with all types of food that again, Jeff had either never seen before or hadn't had the money to be able to buy.

Just as he was heaping his plate, Kenna spoke up. "Well, we're going to have to start thinking about strategies for the Games if we want either of you to win."

Harrow nodded. But before he could say anything, the woman continued, "And to be honest, I think you should work with Harrow, Serenade. He's much more suited to training someone like you."

The redhead just stared down at her plate, gripping the edge of the table so tightly he knuckles went white. Jeff looked over at the older woman, assessing her. While she'd been beautiful back in her day, the years had not been kind to her and she was now in her late forties though looked so much older. She looked little like the teenager whose appearance had won her the Games. It was almost hypocritical of her to be talking about Serenade's appearance when she looked the way she did now.

"I think that would be a great idea," the girl managed to say as politely as she could, while Harrow rolled his eyes and sighed at the attitude of his fellow mentor. Obviously he'd had to deal with this before.

At that moment Tereze entered, as silly and blue and strange as usual. "We'll be in the Capitol today, I can't wait!" she chirped happily, sitting down to eat. Just a few seconds later Serenade got to her feet and walked off, clearly still angry. The tension was still thick between Kenna and Harrow (Tereze utterly oblivious to it all) as Jeff awkwardly spoke up and said he would go find her and talk to her. Quickly he left the room and went in search of the redhead.

He found her a few moments later standing in front of a window, staring out at the landscape as it passed them by. He walked up beside her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Serenade sighed, "Yeah. I just hate how Kenna keeps on about how ugly I am. I got enough of that from the boys back… back home."

Jeff chewed on his lip, not quite sure how to respond. Of course, he should tell her she wasn't ugly – because she wasn't really – but the comment about home had gotten to him too. Thoughts of Joss and his mother flashed up in his mind and he forced them down. How had he ever thought this was a good idea?

"Well, you're not as pretty as Kenna was then, but you're not that bad," he offered. The girl just looked over at him with one eyebrow raised and he instantly went on the defence. "Hey, I don't usually say nice things about people. I'm not very good at it."

There was a moment of silence before Serenade laughed and went back to staring out the window, now with a smile on her face. "Thanks. I know you mean well."

Jeff smiled back and leaned his back against the wall, arms across his chest. "Anyway, the stylist is going to make you look ten times better than you do now."

"You're doing it again."

"Sorry!" Jeff laughed "I told you, I'm bad at this! How about this – you're pretty and Kenna's just stupid?"

The redhead grinned at him. "Much better."

They chatted for the next hour or so – they lost track of time – about nothing that really mattered. Neither wanted to mention home again or the Capitol and the Games, so they talked about how silly Tereze looked, and how grumpy Harrow was, and the food on the train, and how Jeff hadn't eaten beef before. Nothing substantial, but it was enough to make Jeff feel like if he had been a little richer or Serenade a little poorer, they would have been good friends. But in the end they had to stop their chat as the light and the world outside suddenly disappeared, swallowed up by the walls of a tunnel. Jeff glanced up at the ceiling, imagining all the tonnes of rock above them – he knew from school that they would be going through the mountain range that separated the Capitol from the Districts. It was a disturbing thought; all that weight could come crashing down on them and no one would ever find them.

"We're almost there," Serenade said, watching him. Jeff nodded, "I know. It kind of makes it sink in, doesn't it? We're going to die."

A sad, grim smile appeared on the girl's face. "I'm not planning on dying."

Jeff fell silent. He looked at the girl who was fast becoming a friend and thought about his plan. For it to work, she had to die. All twenty four of them had to die, himself last of all. But it sounded like Serenade was going to be putting up a fight and he certainly didn't want to be the one to go up against her. She'd probably kill him. _But_, he thought _If anyone were to kill me and win, I think I'd want it to be her._

They didn't speak again until the train left the tunnel and blinding light filled the carriage. The pair blinked as they adjusted to it after the darkness before looking out at where they would be spending their last few days – the Capitol.

Jeff just stared, looking out at all the perfect buildings and all the colours and the brightness of it all. It was so different to District 10 and he felt a little homesick. Crowds of people were waiting for the train to roll into the city and they shouted, cheered, waved. The two tributes just watched them silently, knowing that these people were all just desperate to watch them die. To watch them being hunted down and brutally slaughtered by other children.

It was sick. They were all bloodthirsty, sick human beings.

Soon enough the train pulled into the station and Harrow was coming up to the pair to tell them they were getting off. Jeff followed him and Serenade down the hall to the doors before suddenly remembering something. He raced off to Tereze's call to come back, down the corridors and back to his room. There, on the bed, was the carving Joss had given him – and he'd almost left it behind. He snatched it up and ran back to where the small group was still waiting for him.

"Token," was all he gave as a reason. No one said anything about it – Harrow just pushed him off the train behind Serenade.

* * *

><p>Jeff decided to hate his prep team.<p>

He could very well have just dealt with them, not made any comments or rolled his eyes at them, but the longer he was stuck with the three Capitol people fussing over him, the more he hated them and the more his plan cemented itself in his head. _How they'd hate it if they didn't have a winner. How they'd hate it if the last man alive kills himself before they can do a thing. How stupid they'd all look._

He'd been in the Remake Centre for hours now and the three people that made up his prep team – Tallus, Ricardo and Aulette – had been poking and prodding and ripping hair out and generally turning him into something completely different. He didn't like it but Harrow had told him to basically shut up and not complain, so he did; he didn't _complain_, at any rate. He couldn't help the snarky comments that escaped him every so often when one of his team would say something he particularly disliked.

Finally they deemed him ready to face his stylist – he still hadn't even met the guy yet. Or woman. He didn't know. As they left – Aulette muttering about the fact she hadn't been allowed to do anything with his 'beautiful hair' – Jeff stared at himself in one of the many mirrors, taking in his reflection. All the dirt had been scrubbed away, the smell of District 10 overwhelmed by some scent of a flower he'd forgotten the name of. His hair had been washed and trimmed to 'clean it up a little' and half his body stripped of hair. He hadn't realised how much of a distaste the Capitol had for body hair.

He was too focused on his new face – clean and smooth and _different_– to hear the door open and footsteps enter. He did however, hear the voice that spoke quietly a moment later, and he spun around to face the source.

"Let's see what we have here."

The woman was slim and willowy, with pale orange hair cut short around her ears. Her skin was a light brown and Jeff wasn't sure if it was natural or dyed that way. They watched each other, the woman's bright green eyes never leaving Jeff's body and raking over him in a way that made him self-conscious in a way he'd never been before. Finally she spoke again, her voice still incredibly soft and quiet.

"I'm Jarrah, your stylist. Your name's Jeff?"

The blonde nodded, wrapping his arms around his bare chest. He didn't like the way she was _still _staring at him. Jarrah walked closer, putting a hand on his shoulder in an almost comforting way. She smiled at him briefly. "We're going to go with something simple this year," she said "Nothing too flashy."

Jeff just nodded again, not quite sure what she was planning. If he were honest, he didn't really care. District 10 farmed livestock and so usually the tributes were dressed up like cows or something similar. It was worse than say, the favoured districts of 1 and 2, who always looked stunning and swathed in something glittery and silky, but better than 9 or 12. The tributes from 9 usually ended up as bread, while 12's tended to be in some scanty black outfit with headlamp hats due to the coalmining in that district. Overall, Jeff figured it could be worse.

* * *

><p>He was (mostly) pleasantly surprised a few hours later as he stood beside the chariot he would soon be riding in for the opening ceremonies. When Jarrah had said simple, he hadn't realised how simple she meant. He was dressed in loose leather pants and solid, heavy boots. His torso was mostly bare – the one thing he didn't really like – apart from two thick strips of black-and-white cowhide patterned fabric that crossed over his chest and back in an X. He still felt a little exposed but it could have been much worse.<p>

For the first time since stepping off the train, his thoughts turned to Serenade. He wondered how she had dealt with her prep team and stylist (a man named Daedalus, he'd found out from Jarrah). For a brief moment he let himself think about their meaningless conversation on the train that morning; was it only that morning? So much had happened. He thought about what they'd talked about, how they'd passed the time and hidden just how scared they both were about the impending doom of the Games. But he didn't ponder for long – he saw Serenade walking towards him, weaving past other chariots and tributes and stylists, Jarrah and a large man he assumed was Daedalus by her side. He smiled at her, looking the girl up and down to see what she was wearing.

He was surprised yet again at the stylists' work. Serenade wore a knee-length dress that hugged her curves, a strapless thing made of what seemed to be three layers of different material. The base was clearly leather, while across the right side of her chest a layer of sheep's wool was stitched. And across the left side of her stomach was a layer of fabric patterned with the same colours and splotches as the strips around Jeff's chest. The leather was visible beneath the other two fabrics and all in all, Jeff thought, she looked rather good for a girl who he'd only seen in pants and boots and thick shirts. To complete the look, Serenade wore leather slip-on shoes and what was obviously an animal horn attached to a chain around her neck, her hair curled and pulled over one shoulder. She smiled as she approached him, awkwardly tugging at the dress she was clearly uncomfortable in.

"You look very pretty," Jeff said without really thinking. Serenade chuckled. "You're getting better with compliments."

"I do mean it though." The blonde gestured to her vaguely "You look very pretty."

Now the redhead blushed, biting her lip. "Thank you. I – You look good too."

Before they could say anything else, the music began to blast out to signal the start of the ceremonies. The pair were pushed up onto the chariot, pulled by deep brown coloured horses, as massive doors opened up to reveal streets with hordes of Capitol people crowding along the sides. District 1 made its way out, followed soon after by 2. Jeff just glanced over at Serenade, biting his lip as he tried not to think about the fight they would soon be thrust into. The girl looked pretty and… _girly_ now, but she was going to be fighting for her life in that arena and if it came down to it, he would have to kill her.

He wasn't sure he could. This whole plan was falling to pieces in front of his eyes and there was nothing he could do but hope that he wouldn't have to kill too many people in order to defy the Capitol. That, or hope he died quickly.

But as he watched the other tributes in their chariots and costumes, he was fast realizing he was in for a hell of a fight. Carrion and Ripple from 1 were strong fighting machines, no amount of glittery gold fabric able to hide the fact they were eagerly awaiting the Games and powerful enough to win – they would have had training back home. Crippler looked bigger than he had onscreen and it was starting to scare Jeff a little. But then there were the weaker fighters. The girl from 3 (Lina, if he remembered correctly) was so thin she was practically non-existent, lost in her orange and grey dress beside her fellow tribute. Merrin still looked like he would be killed in the initial bloodbath, a tiny boy though his face betrayed him as older than his height indicated. The two girls Kenna had had her eye on, Dekiya and Kisery, were certainly showing off their beauty, the former in some electric blue thing that was shimmering in the dying light and the latter in a flowing brown dress, her blonde hair pulled up and the ends dyed green in an imitation of a tree – she was the one from District 7; lumber.

Then came District 8, and the two tributes looked so tiny. It was the youngest batch of children from any district – just twelve and thirteen. Milly and Day, Jeff recalled from watching the recap. There was another thirteen year old this year – Dekiya herself. But for both tributes from the same district to be so young was a rare and terrible thing.

After that, Jeff didn't really have much time to think because District 9's chariot was leaving (bread, as usual) and they were next. As the horses began to move he swayed and grabbed Serenade's hand to steady himself. She surprised him by clinging on just as tightly and he looked over at her. The redhead managed a smile and in the confusion, he just smiled back as they made their way out onto the Capitol streets.

To put it lightly, the experience was overwhelming. Jeff just stared as their district was announced and the Capitol citizens that lined the streets cheered for them. The applause and support wasn't as loud and excited as it had been for District 1 or 2, or for Dekiya in electric blue. But they were still enthusiastic and they shouted out for District 10; something that both sickened Jeff and caught him off guard. The Capitol people were baying for their blood, just waiting to watch them die. The tributes might look beautiful and stunning now, but sooner than they all would like they were going to be pitted against each other and it would be a bloody fight to survive. That was what the people wanted. More than the pretty dresses and girls and the handsome boys and the interviews and all of that preparation; they wanted blood.

Jeff jumped as he was nudged in the ribs by the girl beside him and he turned to her as she hissed, "Wave. You want sponsors or not?"

Blinking, the blonde did as he was told, raising the hand that wasn't clutching onto Serenade's and waving it for the Capitol's benefit. It was always better to have sponsors – if you ended up in a tricky situation it was helpful to have someone on the outside that was willing to help you out. It could mean the difference between life and death in the arena. In curiosity, he glanced back at the two chariots behind them – 11 and 12. There was nothing spectacular about the former, but he bit his lip as he saw the costume of 12; or rather, lack of it. They were completely naked and simply coated in black coal dust. Jeff felt sorry for them, their costume proving that it could _always_ get worse.

He saw himself and Serenade on one of the massive TV screens that lined the streets for those who couldn't get close enough to see the tributes for themselves. While they didn't look anything like the shining beauty of the favoured Districts, he figured they didn't look too bad at all. He wondered what Joss would be thinking right now, watching the opening ceremony at home with their mother. He forced that thought away quickly as the chariots made their way into the City Circle, where they would be addressed by the President before being taken away to the Training Centre – the place they would stay until the Games. Jeff had heard it all from Jarrah earlier so he knew what would be going on, but all he could focus on was President Snow.

The man was old and small, with white hair and dressed much more plainly than the rest of the Capitol citizens. As he began the welcome speech, Jeff just glared at him, knowing that everything that was wrong was his fault. Of course, there'd been those before him, but Snow was in charge now and certainly nothing good had been happening lately. He was responsible for all the pain and the suffering the people in the districts faced – and for Jeff's father's death. And Nick's.

He lost track of time as he stood there, thinking over how he was going to ruin the man that stood up there and welcomed the children who would be systematically murdered in a few days. It made him more determined than ever to destroy him, humiliate him and the Capitol in front of all the districts. One last show of defiance, one last insult. Soon enough the chariots were moving off again and towards the Training Centre. Jeff glanced over at Serenade as they left the City Circle and the president behind. She was too busy looking out into the crowds and smiling, still attempting to gain whatever support she could.

Finally the pair made it to the Training Centre and the doors slid shut behind them, closing them off from the Capitol citizens and locking them in. The stylists, the mentors and the prep teams greeted them as they entered, Daedalus grabbing Serenade and lifting her from the chariot and into a hug. Jeff watched them in confusion as he got off. The girl laughed before she was put down, steadied on her feet by her stylist. Before he could say anything, he and his fellow tribute were whisked away to the next floor up – what was technically the 'ground' floor – and towards a see-through elevator. They left the prep teams behind, just the six getting in to go up to their floor.

Jeff watched as Kenna pressed the button for the tenth floor – each district had their own floor, he'd been told – and suddenly they were shooting upwards. The movement surprised Jeff and he grabbed Serenade's arm; not for the first time that night. They locked eyes and she just smiled at him. She hadn't seemed to stop doing that since they'd started that chariot ride. He smiled in return, starting to feel conflicted as to how he felt about her. One the one hand, he was glad he had such a friendly, _nice_ tribute (for want of a better word) beside him. He had to live with her until the Games and he much preferred living with someone he liked. One the other hand, the friendlier they were, the harder it would be in the arena. Would he be able to kill her if faced with that choice? Would she kill him? With twenty two other tributes there was a fair chance she (or he) would get killed by someone else, but there was always the possibility. The possibility that he didn't want to think about.

_This would be so much easier if I hated her_, Jeff thought in annoyance as they reached their floor and the elevator stopped. The doors opened, revealing more of what Jeff had already seen – everything was plush, luxurious, colourful, soft, beautiful. All very 'Capitol'. Waiting for them was Tereze, the aqua-haired woman beaming at the group as they stepped out of the elevator.

"You were perfect!" she said, directing the comment to the two tributes before turning to the mentors and stylists to talk more about the ceremony. Harrow excused himself quickly before he could be drawn into the conversation and walked over to the District 10 teenagers, the relief evident on his face.

"Come on," he said, voice just as harsh and rough as ever "You need to change before dinner. I'll show you where your rooms are."

They followed him down the hall and were dropped off in their separate accommodation. Jeff hunted around the room until he found some fairly decent clothes in the well-stocked wardrobe so he could get out of his costume. He didn't get the chance to investigate the room any further after changing as there was a knock at the door and Harrow was telling him to come to dinner.

The dining room was quite large and the table in the middle of it was already starting to be filled with food. Jeff heard someone walking up behind him and he turned to see Serenade approaching. She was still smiling.

"What was that with Daedalus?" Jeff finally had the chance to ask.

"Oh," the girl replied, her smile dropping slightly before returning in full force "He's actually very nice. He even said I didn't need to look like those other girls to be beautiful, and he's a _stylist_. And he has a great sense of humour too."

Jeff nodded, glancing at the man who had just entered with Jarrah. He didn't know too much about him but he knew Jarrah was also quite a lovely woman and certainly hadn't lived up to his expectation that all Capitol people were evil. But then he thought of Snow, and any doubts rushed away. Something had to be done.

Everyone was seated quickly, Jeff between Harrow and Serenade. He looked over at the food being laid out on the table by white-clad servants – it looked just as mouth-watering as usual. He was just about to start eating (despite the fact he was rather hungry, he managed to maintain his manners and not grab it with his hands) when one of the servants leaned between him and Harrow, placing a new dish on the table, and Jeff caught his eye.

The moment they locked eyes, Jeff lost the ability to breathe properly and he nearly fell back onto the floor. The serving boy dropped what he was carrying, the platter hitting the edge of the table before crashing to the floor and shattering on the hardwood floor, and he stepped back a pace with wide eyes. There was an awkward silence as everyone stared in confusion, though a flicker of realisation crossed Serenade's face for a moment.

Suddenly, Jeff stood and just _ran_. He almost slipped on the spilled food but made it to the hallway and around a corner where he stopped – only because he couldn't breathe and he was getting dizzy.

_It's not. It can't be. It's impossible._

The last thought that crossed Jeff's mind before he passed out was, _It can't be Nick – he's dead._

* * *

><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	5. Dangerous Games

**I apologise for the wait - as I've said before, I like to get the next chapter finished before I post, and chapter 6 was a little tricky :) **

**I love getting to play around with the Avoxes - since they aren't talked about much in the Hunger Games, there's a lot I can do with them. There's a touch of violence in this chapter, but this is a HG fic so you shouldn't be surprised :) It'll get worse of course, especially when the Games start. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to writing the Games... :D**

Chapter 5  
><span>Dangerous Games<span>

Blinking his eyes open, Jeff found himself staring blankly at his mentor, who was far too close for comfort. The man was shaking him and calling his name, and Jeff thought he saw Serenade there as well but his vision was still fairly blurry. By the time it came into focus – about the same time his hearing returned to normal and sounds weren't faint – Harrow decided to slap him across the face.

"What was that for?" he yelped, jumping back and holding a hand to his reddening cheek, glaring at Harrow in annoyance. It wasn't until a second later that he recalled exactly what had led to him passing out in the hallway (he could hear someone yelling back in the dining room) and his hand moved to his mouth.

"No. No. No. It's not."

"Listen to me," Harrow said firmly, grabbing Jeff's head in his hands and forcing him to meet his eyes "That kid, you don't know him. It was a mistake. He reminded you of someone you used to know. Okay? You _do not_know that boy in there. Do you understand me?"

"What's going on?" Jeff whispered, mind still reeling.

"Dammit kid, listen to me!" Harrow was keeping quiet, looking over his shoulder at Serenade a few times. The girl got the message and moved to the corner of the hallway, looking out into the adjoining dining room and giving the mentor a thumbs up – it was safe.

"Do you understand what I'm saying? Tereze and the others are going to come back here and they're going to want to know what happened. You're going to tell them you mistook that boy for someone you knew back in 10. Okay? Someone close to you. Make someone up if you have to. Do you understand?"

Jeff nodded dumbly. He had to lie. He could comprehend that and hopefully pull it off without looking like an idiot. He didn't know why he had to lie, or what Nick was doing here – _he's not here, he's dead, remember?_ – or why Harrow was so insistent, but he was fairly sure he could make himself convincing enough.

"Good." Harrow glanced over at Serenade, who was running back to him. She whispered something in his ear quickly.

"Alright, they're coming," the mentor said "Just make it work. Okay?"

Jeff nodded again as Tereze and the two stylists came around the corner and towards him. The former looked flustered and upset while the stylists simply watched on in curiosity.

"What happened?" Tereze clasped her hands together, looking down at the blonde tribute "You took one look at that boy and ran! Oh dear, what is going on?"

"I-It was a mistake… mistaken identity," Jeff stammered, tripping over his words but he hoped they would think it was due to the fact he'd just woken from unconsciousness "I thought I recognised him… he, uh… looks like someone I knew. A long time ago."

Tereze visibly relaxed and sighed. "Dear me, I can't have tributes panicking at the sight of one of the Avoxes! But I can't ask for him to be removed, it'll be terribly rude-"

Harrow cut her off with a curt, "I'm sure it'll be fine. After all, it was just a mistake. It won't happen again."

The blonde shook his head violently. "Won't happen again. I'm sorry."

It took a little more convincing for the woman to calm down and finally Daedalus and Jarrah escorted her back to the dining room. When they were alone, Harrow grabbed Jeff by the arm and hauled him to his feet, dragging him down the hallway towards the blonde's room. Jeff didn't protest to the treatment. Serenade followed and shut the door to her fellow tribute's room behind them, effectively cutting them off from anyone outside. Harrow dumped Jeff on an overstuffed armchair before turning to loom over him.

"So who was it?"

Jeff blinked, rubbing a hand over his face. "What?"

"Tereze might be as dumb as a post, but I'm not," Harrow snapped "I know you know that kid. Who is he?"

When he didn't get an answer from the confused tribute, Serenade stepped in to help. "His name's Nick. Duval, I think. Last year he was arrested for treason – he was gathering weapons or something – and they took him to the Capitol to… to be executed," she said "Everyone knew he and Jeff were friends."

"It was my fault," Jeff whispered to himself, before looking up at staring straight at his mentor "But… he's alive? He wasn't killed?"  
>Harrow sighed and ran a hand through his greying mop of dark hair. He seemed reluctant to say anything but in the end he spoke quickly and roughly, his tone harsh. "No. He was probably tortured for information, and now he's an Avox."<p>

Jeff swallowed thickly, barely able to get words out through the lump in his throat. None of this sounded very good at all, but it was the word _Avox_that confused him the most. Tereze had said it, now Harrow. "What's an Avox?"

The older man swung his gaze from Serenade, who'd been biting her lip hard enough to leave dents that wouldn't fade for a good few hours, to Jeff and gave him a hard stare. When he replied, Jeff wished he hadn't said anything. "An Avox is a traitor to the Capitol who's had their tongue cut out, and been turned into a servant."

The blonde's stomach dropped and he suddenly felt nauseous. He had trouble coming up with coherent sentences as his mind processed that horrible thought.

_No, it can't be true_, his desperate mind tried to console him. _It can't have been him. Nick's dead. He's been dead for a year, not been tortured and had his tongue cut out and been forced to serve the Capitol for a year. No. He _has_ to be dead._

But he knew the truth. He'd only seen the boy's face for a few seconds but you didn't forget the face of the person who'd been your closest friend for so many years. He knew it had been Nick; he was alive. Alive, but tortured and broken. And that was all Jeff's fault.

The last thing he wanted to do was break down in front of the man who was supposed to be keeping him alive in the arena, but he couldn't stop himself once the tears started building. They spilled over and he tried to brush them away but they came too fast. Soon he was choking and hugging his knees to his chest as if to keep his heart from shattering anymore. His best friend had been in so much pain, had been hurt and torn apart, and he hadn't done anything to save him. He'd _put_ Nick there. It was all his fault.

Serenade moved closer and rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him but he didn't really feel it. He did however hear Harrow talking as if the revelation that Nick had been so brutally maimed wasn't incredibly life changing.

"There's a good chance that his placement here wasn't an accident – to play with your head because they can. The Capitol's like that. But that can be discussed some other time. Just understand that you are not to go near him. The only time you are to speak to him, or any Avox, is if you're giving it an order. Alright? The more emotionally attached you get to him, the less chance you have of surviving the arena. We'll talk more tomorrow, but do you understand me? Both of you?"

Serenade nodded first. Jeff knew she'd never really known Nick very well. She'd been friends with the 'richer' kids in the district, leaving the poorer yardworkers' children to themselves. But everyone in the district knew about Nick's arrest.

With Harrow glaring at him, Jeff finally nodded, but he had no intention of following what the man had said. He had to find Nick tomorrow, if only to see him again. To try and apologise maybe. He didn't know, but he couldn't just ignore him. No matter what had happened, they'd been friends too long and there was no way Jeff was going to pretend that Nick didn't mean anything to him (at least, around the two that knew, or when they might be alone. Tereze and the stylists were another matter entirely).

Harrow told Serenade to leave and she did so, tossing a worried look back at the blonde tribute before shutting the door. The man looked down at Jeff for a long while before he too headed for the door. He paused as he reached it, glancing back.

"Be careful what you do here, Jeff," he said "The arena's not the most dangerous place you can be."

With that, he left and Jeff was finally alone. Forcing his mind to clear of all thoughts, he undressed down to his underwear and crawled into the soft, inviting bed, though he wasn't sure he'd get much sleep tonight. Despite his best attempts, he couldn't keep himself from thinking about Nick for very long.

Nick wasn't dead.

The situation was so, _so_ much worse.

* * *

><p>Jeff woke to a cold and hazy morning – at least, it appeared that way outside. The window was misted up and there was a fog hanging over the Capitol buildings. Inside however, it was kept quite warm and Jeff was glad for that. Not being a morning person was hard enough without adding in the fact that it was always so much harder to get out of bed when it was cold. He managed to haul himself up and into the shower, resting against the wall as the water beat down on him and his mind shot straight back to the previous night.<p>

After a whole year of believing he'd been the cause of his best friend's death, he found out he was the cause of something much worse. If only he hadn't been so angry and bitter. If only he'd just gotten over it. Then he only would have lost his father, and not everyone else. He wouldn't be here right now, staring at the face of his failure, about to die for a stupid cause.

But he knew that wasn't true. He'd been reaped – if Nick hadn't been arrested, then he would have had to watch his friend being chosen for the Games. But at least then he wouldn't have been tortured and mutilated and hurt and forced into slavery. He'd still be okay.

Jeff sighed, getting out of the shower and drying himself off before finding some clothes. Working automatically, not thinking about anything except how surviving in the days leading up to the Games would be so much harder than the Games themselves, he made his way towards the dining area where he'd first seen Nick in a whole year.

He wasn't there. Jeff wasn't sure if he was expecting Nick to be there or not. But he wasn't. Harrow was though, and he was eating his breakfast in front of a blank, black TV screen silently. He turned when he heard Jeff entering and gestured for him to get something to eat. The blonde did so dumbly, collecting food he didn't know the name of and moving to sit beside the older man on the couch that along with a small set of steps, separated that room from the dining area.

"Jeff, you have to understand that you can't have anything to do with… what was his name? Nick? Anyway, you can't be seen with him. You can't talk to him. And I know you want to."

Jeff listened in silence, staring at his food and eating it without focusing, tasting nothing as he chewed and swallowed. Harrow continued, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I really am. But you have to keep the mindset you've had towards him since he was arrested. He has to remain dead to you."  
><em><br>He's dead to you_. The words rang in the blonde's mind but they refused to stick. Not now that he knew the truth. He turned his head to glare at the man beside him, angry and upset.

"But he's not!" he hissed "He's not dead! I spent the past year believing my best friend had been executed and now I find out he's alive, but you want him to stay dead? I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I can't forget that my closest friend is alive, and I can't forget that he's been hurt."

Harrow stood up calmly, empty plate in hand. "This is a dangerous game, Jeff. And I don't mean the Hunger Games themselves. I mean everything from the reaping to the lead up to the arena to what happens after. It's all a game and you have to learn how to play it right, or people you love can and will get hurt." He stared down at the blonde boy who shrunk away under the intense scrutiny. "I'll bet you anything that he's been put here for a reason, and that's to mess with your head. I don't know why. But the Capitol always has some plan and you just have to play along. There's nothing else you _can _do."

Harrow started to move away but paused, with one last thing to say. "Your first training session is today. Just do as you're told and play along."

"The Capitol doesn't own me," Jeff spat harshly "They've already taken everything away from me – there's nothing else they can do."

The older man simply rolled his eyes as one would do in response to a naïve, obstinate child. "Everyone has something to lose."

And with that he walked away, leaving Jeff alone on the couch as he left his plate on the table and disappeared from the room. The blonde pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, leaving the rest of his food uneaten. He didn't feel like he could stomach anything now. Thinking about Nick and what the Capitol had done to him made him sick.

At that moment Serenade appeared and she grabbed some food before sitting beside him almost hesitantly. He glanced over at her for a moment but said nothing.

"How are you?" she finally asked.

"Fine."

That was the end of their conversation.

* * *

><p>Three days. Three days of training and then the interviews and then… the Games. When every single child in the room at that moment was going to die.<p>

Jeff looked around at the other tributes, thinking back over the reapings and the opening ceremony to get maybe a little more insight into them. District 1 and 2 he didn't even bother glancing at – he knew what they'd be good at – but he decided he'd keep a close eye on Merrin. He was getting more and more worried that the boy would have some secret skill that no one would think he'd have due to his small size, and then he'd surprise them all in the bloodbath. Dareq was staring at him intensely and it unnerved him somewhat. The guy was quite well-built and strong-looking – not one you wanted on your bad side. But then again, weren't they all?

No one could stop sneaking furtive glances at the two tiniest tributes, Milly and Day. The pair kept close to each other as the woman in the middle of the circle of twenty four told them where all the stations were to practice at. They were so small and young, and Jeff couldn't help but hope that someone would kill them quickly in the initial bloodbath.

Finally they were allowed to go off and do what they liked. Crippler and Carrion instantly went for the swords, followed by their female counterparts. They stood back and watched as Crippler chose one of the bigger blades and swung it sharply without warning, slicing into a dummy and splitting it down to the middle. Jeff flinched at the sound and looked away, instead focusing on finding a station to try out. He didn't think he was particularly skilled at anything, so he decided on something that might be fairly useful in the arena – knife throwing.

As he reached the person manning the station, another shout went up from behind. He turned and saw Serenade following behind him, but what interested him was what the boy from 4, Merrin, was doing. He'd joined the career tributes and was showing off what he could do with a long-handled knife – which was quite a lot. In the space of a few seconds the slight brunette had slit the dummy's throat and stabbed it in the gut – both fatal blows and in a movement that was barely able to be seen. Jeff sighed internally. He'd been hoping that because Merrin was small he'd be untalented and an easy target, but that didn't seem to be the case. In fact, he was quite deadly and just added to the number of tributes that were actually dangerous and more than capable of killing him.

His odds of making it to the end weren't looking too good at the moment.

Jeff moved back to focus on knife throwing, hearing Serenade step up beside him. But he ignored her for the most part, wanting to make sure that he had a fighting chance of getting through the Games and ruining the Capitol's reputation once and for all.

* * *

><p>This couldn't be happening. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. They couldn't do this to him – after all they'd already done, they couldn't then make him face the person he'd had to force himself to forget. They couldn't.<p>

_But this is the Capitol_, Nick thought bitterly as he paced his small room, hands tugging at his hair. _Nothing they do is fair._

When he'd been assigned to serve District 10 for the duration of the Games, he'd been afraid someone he'd known all that time ago would show up. He was more afraid that they would see him in his tortured state and realise how weak he was than having to see them die in the arena. There weren't that many people back in 10 he wouldn't have wanted to be in the Games. But Jeff… to see Jeff there, looking no different to the last time he'd laid eyes on him – that had ripped him apart.

Of all the people to see him like this, Jeff was the one Nick would never want. They'd been so close only to be torn apart and now thrust back together in this strange situation where one was subservient to the other who was destined to die.

He'd been taken to his quarters after that awful meeting and told to stay there. All night he hadn't been able to sleep and when morning finally came he thought they'd come for him – 'they' being the elder, more experienced Avoxes who watched over the others, or the guards who hadn't had pieces ripped out of them who dealt with punishment of any renegade Avoxes. And now it was the late afternoon and still no one came.

Just as Nick was about to turn into yet another mindless pace around his living quarters, the door opened suddenly and he looked up, eyes wide and hoping he wasn't in trouble. Causing trouble only led to pain and even though nothing last night had really been his fault, he wouldn't put it past the sadistic guards to punish him for the breakage of the dish he'd dropped, or even just his reaction to seeing Jeff.

In the doorway stood one of the elder Avoxes, a woman he'd come to know as Tori, and a white-dressed guard who gestured for him to come with them. Nick swallowed painfully and did as he was told, stepping out of the room and following Tori, the guard ever-present behind him. They walked the long hallways of the Avox living quarters, Nick's tension growing the longer it took to get to wherever they were going. What were they going to do to him?

Finally they stopped outside a closed door and the guard knocked. There was a call from inside to come in and the guard shoved Nick forward, gesturing for him to open the door himself. Shaking, he did so and stepped inside the dark room, terrified as to what awaited him. It hadn't been his fault that Jeff was there, but he knew they didn't care. Any chance they had to hurt him they took without hesitation.

The room was empty apart from a man standing near the back and he watched Nick enter carefully. The door closed behind the brunette before he could blink and he found himself alone in the room with the man who was by no means a stranger. Frediano Pisano, master of the guard and essentially the master of the Avoxes in these quarters. A cold and cruel man – you could never know what he would do to you. One moment he could be inspecting rooms and the next he was pounding someone's head against the wall for the slightest infraction. Nick's gaze instantly dropped to the floor, the rule having been beaten into him early on.

Frediano gave Nick a sly smile and walked towards him slowly, hands behind his back. Despite the fact the man towered over almost everyone else, that wasn't what intimidated Nick the most. It wasn't his attitude and volatile temper. It wasn't the shaven head, the scar tracking from his cheek to under his chin and down his neck, the club he carried on his belt in case he needed to beat someone for some reason, or even all of that put together. It was his pale eyes that scared Nick. They were cold and bright with ill-contained anger that would break loose every time he became frustrated or annoyed. They were always watching, always following and always full of a promise of pain.

"I heard about what happened last night," Frediano commented, circling Nick and looking him up and down. The brunette didn't move a muscle – he was unable to, frozen in place by fear – and kept his eyes firmly to the floor to avoid a beating as best he could. He flinched as the man suddenly reached up and slapped him across the face hard, but managed to avoid stumbling back. He could feel his cheek already going red and starting to sting as Frediano grabbed his chin and forced him to look up.

"That was for your reaction."

He didn't say anything else for a moment and just stared at him curiously while Nick tried to avoid looking into his eyes. He knew if he glanced away he'd get punished so he attempted to look through the man and concentrated so he wouldn't close his eyes. But those cold, bright eyes were watching him and all he wanted to do was run – as fast and as far away as he could.

"Now, you see this?" Frediano held up a small silver disc about the size of his thumbnail. Nick stared at it but apparently that wasn't enough – the taller man let go of his chin and hit him again in the same place as before. "Acknowledge me."

Nick nodded weakly and kept his eyes on the disc as Frediano continued. "I want you to take this and keep it with you. When you're in the company of the male tribute from 10, I want you to turn it on."

He pressed down on the centre of the disc and it began to glow a soft green. "It will record everything that he says." Frediano pressed down again and the light switched off. A flick of a tiny switch on the back had the device playing back what it had just taped.

"Do you understand me?"

Nick didn't get it. He was being asked to spy on Jeff and record his conversations – what did the Capitol have against him? What did they want with him? But he knew if he shook his head he'd get beaten so hesitantly he nodded, unsure as to what he was getting himself into.

"Good," Frediano smiled, taking Nick's hand and wrapping his fingers over the disc. "Also, I want you to record anything the mentor, Harrow, says, and particularly anything between him and your _friend_." He said the last word with a sneer and Nick lowered his gaze to the floor again, knowing that was all over. He and Jeff weren't friends anymore, not since that day a year ago. They had different loyalties now; Jeff to his district and Nick to the Capitol. Jeff was going to die and Nick wished he was too.

"Now go." He spoke harshly, shoving Nick towards the door. The brunette let himself out into the hall where the guard was still waiting for him – Tori was gone. The white-clad guard grabbed his shoulder roughly and began to lead him back to his room, but Nick's thoughts were far away from reality at that point. He knew the only reason the Capitol would want anything with Jeff was to hurt him, and they were asking him to help them do that.

Could he hurt Jeff for the Capitol?

He already knew the answer to that, and he didn't like it at all.


	6. Unravelling

**I'm sorry about the wait. If you're following my tumblr, you'll know I've been withou internet for a while and have only just got the chance to update stuff. I hope you're all still enjoying the fic - we're getting closer to the Games, and that's going to be a hell of a lot of fun... ;P**

Chapter 6  
>Unravelling<p>

So knife throwing was a complete waste of time. Jeff growled under his breath as for the millionth time that afternoon, he missed the target by at least a foot and the knife buried itself in the wall. No matter what he tried, no matter how he attempted to adjust his aim, he hadn't even been able to hit the target at all. It didn't look that hard – it was fairly close and it wasn't moving – but it seemed knife throwing wasn't a skill he'd be using in the arena.

There was a snigger from across the training room and Jeff turned to glare. The career tributes had been watching him on and off throughout the day, rolling their eyes at his ineptitude. It was Kendal, the girl from 2, who'd laughed and she was smirking cruelly in his direction as he stared at her. Jeff looked away, knowing he couldn't get angry. She and her fellow favoured tributes had been practicing fighting and survival skills since they were born – everyone knew it, and even though it was against the rules no one stopped it. It added an extra element of surprise to the Games – everyone loved an underdog.

He knew he'd lost an entire day trying to not fail entirely at knife throwing. He should have given up a lot sooner and gone on to something more useful and easier. He'd need to know how to survive in any sort of arena they might throw at him. With a sigh and his head hanging, Jeff moved towards a different station for the last hour of the day. He might as well get something useful out of his time.

He didn't have much of it left.

* * *

><p>Harrow glanced up as he heard someone snap their fingers impatiently. Across the room Tereze was lounging around, doing nothing in particular. She'd been there all day as far as Harrow was aware – he'd gone out earlier to check out the competition and maybe scrounge up some sponsors, and she'd been getting off the elevator when he left. From the other side of the room, a white-clad Avox scrambled to be by her side in a moment, eyes wide. Harrow raised an eyebrow, recognising the boy Jeff had reacted to the night before. Tereze tossed her head, her formerly spiky hair now in loose blue waves around her shoulders, and spoke in a haughty tone.<p>

"Fetch me a glass of… oh, I suppose it should be water. I do want to make this detox work. Ophelia would be so upset if I didn't at least try it."

The Avox nodded once and left to carry out the order. Harrow watched him go. He had no doubt that the boy had been placed here on purpose. It couldn't be coincidence that he and Jeff had known each other. The Capitol was renowned for their cruelty and showing off their little tortured toy to his best friend before he was thrown into the arena was just the sort of thing they would do. But there was no way that Harrow was going to let them get the best of his tribute. District 10 was going to win this year if it killed him – even if only to rub the backfired plan in Snow's face.

The Avox returned, carrying the glass of water in shaking hands. Tereze held out her hand and he gave it to her, stepping back as she sipped it with an irritated sigh. Harrow waited a moment until the woman started muttering to herself about 'silly Ophelia' and 'silly detoxes' before standing and gesturing for the boy to follow him. "Come with me."

The younger nodded and did as he was told, trailing behind the man as they left the room. When Harrow was sure they were alone and out of earshot, he made his move.

With the speed and power he'd used to slaughter more than half of the tributes in his Games, he turned and pinned the boy to the wall. Though his eyes widened in fright, his muscles tensed and his mouth dropped open slightly out of reflex, he gave only a strangled grunt – the best he could do. He quickly shut his mouth, lips sealed so what remained of his tongue was hidden from view.

"Now I want you to listen to me very carefully. I'm holding you here because I want you to understand just how serious I am. Acknowledge me."

The boy nodded shakily. Harrow bit back the slight twist of guilt in his gut at the fear in his eyes. After years of mentoring tributes since his win he'd learned how to handle Avoxes, but he couldn't help but be reminded that this was just a kid. A kid like all the boys and girls he'd watched die in the arena. Like Serenade and Jeff.

"This is an order, and I expect not to be disobeyed," he continued "You are to stay away from Jeff when it is possible. Of course, if he gives you an order you will follow it, but keep your distance. I know you have a past, but that is where it remains. Do you understand?"

Another nod, and Harrow let the boy go. He slumped to the floor in a heap, breathing heavily. Quietly, the older man said, "Get up." The smaller brunette staggered to his feet, brushing himself off and staring down respectfully.

"Go back to your duties," Harrow ordered "But don't forget what I've just said."

The Avox walked away, and Harrow noticed that he glanced down at something in his palm. And then he was gone. There was a clatter of noise from the direction of the elevator and with a sigh, the mentor went to greet the two tributes returning from practice.

* * *

><p>"How did you go with training?" was the first thing out of Harrow's mouth as he approached Jeff and Serenade. The blonde sighed and rolled his eyes, ignoring the question and instead walking off towards his room. For a moment he thought the man might stop him, but he was allowed to leave with just an assessing glance.<p>

As soon as he reached his room, Jeff slumped on his bed with a defeated sigh. He was completely useless. He'd never survive the arena. At the rate he was going, he'd be slaughtered in the initial bloodbath. He just couldn't see himself surviving until the end – his plan was unravelling in front of his eyes, and he knew it had been since he'd looked into his brother's eyes after being reaped.

There were so many things wrong with his plan. He was leaving behind his brother and mother, who would have to watch him die. He already had a soft spot for Serenade, who would have to die in order for him to win against the Capitol. He couldn't fight. He couldn't defend himself against the strong career tributes. And then there was Nick.

He'd tried to force all thoughts of Nick from his mind while training, and now they slammed down on him all at once. He couldn't stop the guilt that had stacked up in his chest since finding out his friend was alive and it was starting to hurt, taking up all the space he had and more. He couldn't deal with this. Nick had been his closest friend, the only person he could trust outside of family – and he hadn't saved him. He'd let him go. He'd let them take Nick away to the Capitol knowing what they would do. Except they'd done a much more evil thing than murder. After hearing what they'd done to him, Jeff was sure that death would have been a mercy the Capitol would never grant. And while knowing Nick was alive made it that much harder to contemplate dying in the arena, it also strengthened his resolve to fight those torturing bastards to the very end. They had been so cruel to Nick, tearing him apart and forcing him into servitude instead of just killing him, and it sparked a fury in Jeff that he hadn't felt in a long time. Not since his father had died.

It suddenly dawned on Jeff that Nick was probably on this floor right now. He could be on the other side of the door. The thought was terrifying. The boy who had been so carelessly treated because of his arrogance was so close, with all the scars of Jeff's stupidity, and there was nothing he could do to fix it. He curled up into a ball, shaking. He wanted to close his eyes but he knew what he would see – those images of Nick being dragged, bloody and beaten, into the Justice Building. The absolute fear in his eyes because he knew what they would do – except he hadn't. No one had had any idea of the horror the Capitol could inflict.

There was a knock at the door and Jeff jerked his head up, startled. Quietly the door swung open to reveal a girl dressed in white who bowed low in the doorway.

"Get out," Jeff rasped, surprised at his own voice.

The girl nodded and closed the door without ever making eye contact. As soon as she was gone the blonde hugged his chest and before he knew it he was crying again. None of this made any sense and it was all so overwhelming. The Games, Nick; he just wanted it all to _stop_. He needed to take a breath, step back so he could try to understand what was going on, but everything was moving too fast and things were being thrown at him from all different directions – training, the upcoming interviews and prep for that, the Games themselves, his plan to die, his friendship with Serenade, dealing with Nick's current state, stupid Capitol people – and he just couldn't cope.

* * *

><p>Nick knew his purpose was to stand in the corner and look as small and invisible as possible until someone called for him. He was supposed to be paying attention to the movements of everyone at the table so he could know in advance when he would be needed. But it was so hard to concentrate when there was an empty place at the table and he knew who should be filling it.<p>

Jeff hadn't shown up for dinner and Harrow had asked Tereze to allow him a little while to come on his own before being sent for. After all, he had a lot to take in and absorb and he may have just lost track of time, Harrow reasoned. She had agreed, but now it was halfway through the first course and an unusually patient Tereze had finally given up.

Nick missed the first two times she snapped her fingers. The other Avox in the room stared at him – she wasn't allowed to heed the woman's call as she was on the other side of the room. He missed that too. It was only when Tereze turned in her chair and fixed him with a dark look as she raised her voice that Nick finally caught on. He moved to her side quickly, bracing himself in advance when she gestured for him to kneel.

"I should have you punished properly for such blatant disobedience," Tereze snapped in annoyance as she struck him across the face, the sound too loud in the room that had suddenly gone very quiet. Nick saw the redheaded girl flinch and look away. He thought he knew her, but only knew her name from overheard comments. Serenade. A more well-off girl, if he remembered correctly. Not rich, but close enough.

"I want you to fetch Jeff for dinner," Tereze ordered "Immediately."

Nick stood and bowed as he knew he should before walking away from the table to do as she asked. He heard her speak again behind him. "Honestly, I don't know _how_ anyone deals with them. They're so unruly."

The order didn't really sink in until he was standing outside the door to the room of the boy who'd been his closest friend. It seemed like such a long time ago, all that. A lifetime. But it was only a year. Only a year since he'd been dragged away into some continuing nightmare that he knew he would never escape from. And he'd hoped so much when the reapings started and he'd been given his assignment to serve District 10 that no one he'd know would be chosen – and it had to be Jeff. The boy he'd left behind.

It was fear of further punishment that forced his hand to knock at that door. He was terrified of facing Jeff again, but more so of Frediano and what he might do. That thought led him to the small disc hidden away in his pocket, and biting his lip, he reached for it and turned it on. He felt sick. He was betraying his friend for the ones who had ruined his life – it was all so wrong. Carefully he pushed the door open and paused.

Jeff was curled up on his bed, seemingly asleep. Even from this distance Nick could see how red his face was and knew instantly that he'd been crying. A sharp pain in his chest made him wince and he closed his eyes for a split second. When he opened them again, Jeff had looked up and was moving to stand.

"Nick," he said in a strangled, hoarse voice. He reached out a hand but stopped himself midway, pulling his arm back to his chest with a confused look. Nick wasn't sure what to do. He knew he was supposed to bring Jeff back to the table for dinner, but he just couldn't move. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the blonde's face – unchanged after all this time– and he almost couldn't bring himself to care when Jeff crossed the room in a flash and wrapped his arms around him, shaking.

"What have I done?" Jeff mumbled into his shoulder.

Nick closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling of his friend holding him, and he lifted his arms to return the hug. But he caught himself and instead pushed Jeff away, shaking his head. The blonde stared down at him, not letting go of his shoulders no matter how hard Nick tried to force him.

"What happened?" he asked softly, noticing his red-stained cheek from being hit a few minutes before. When he moved his hand to touch it, Nick saw his chance and took it, stepping back and trying to maintain some sort of professionalism when all he wanted to do was melt right back into those arms and let Jeff hold him forever.

"I'm so sorry." Jeff's eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, his voice a whisper. "I should have saved you… I thought you were dead."  
><em><br>I wish I was_.

Nick turned and gestured for Jeff to follow him out of the room, knowing he had to get his job done. There was no need to give anyone any more reason to hurt him. The blonde hesitated for a moment before doing as he was asked, shutting the door of his room quietly behind him. As they headed down the hallway, Jeff hung back and stared at the floor.

"I am sorry, you know. I just stood there while they beat you and took you away."

Nick shook his head. He didn't want to hear it. He'd had enough nightmares of that day and what came after, and he didn't want anymore. He didn't want Jeff apologising for something that wasn't his fault. He didn't want any of this.

They reached their destination and Nick quickly took up his place in the corner, leaving Jeff to sit beside Harrow at the far end of the table. He switched the recording device off surreptitiously, that sick feeling returning to his gut.

"Jeff, you look dreadful," Tereze exclaimed. Nick stared down at the floor to avoid Jeff's gaze and Serenade's curious eyes.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p>Nick was off-duty that night, and as he headed back to his room his head was full of thoughts of Jeff. How his chest had ached when he saw him again, that overwhelming urge he had to fall into Jeff's arms and never move from them, and how tears were pressing against his eyelids at the mere thought that he was going to have to watch his best friend die.<p>

But that wasn't true anymore, was it? Jeff wasn't his best friend. They weren't friends at all. He'd thought about it earlier when Frediano had demanded he spy on Jeff. They had different loyalties now. All Jeff had to think about was saving himself and getting home – something so far away and foreign to Nick now. His version of home now was a small locked room. And Nick had so much more to think about – like getting through the day with as little pain involved as possible, and concentrating on every little thing to make sure nothing was missed and everyone was kept happy. It was hard just surviving each day, especially on some of his previous assignments. He'd worked for a few months while in 'training' at a high-ranking government member's house and the slightest mistake had earned him a harsh beating. He still carried the scars across his body.

His concentration now was shot and as he made his way down the corridor back to his room, he didn't notice the man standing in the shadows, watching him carefully. The first he knew of his presence was when he cleared his throat, startling Nick and making him gasp. His jaw snapped shut instantly and he turned with a hasty bow to see who wanted him. When he looked up, his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.

"Did you do as you were ordered?" Frediano asked with a cruel smile. Nick hesitated for only a moment before nodding.

"Good. Give it to me."

Nick did as he was told, handing over the disc from his pocket. Frediano seemed pleased as he inspected the device before handing a second one over.

"You've done well, Nick," the man smirked, patting him on the shoulder and making Nick flinch – at both the touch and the name. He was playing with him. Avoxes didn't have names; they left all that behind. Frediano was trying to mess with his head.

And it was working.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


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